Okay, so. I've decided to move back to Raleigh. This is probably happening in late January/Early Feburary. I went up that way with my parents this weekend, and I realized how much I missed living there, how different it is, but subtly so. They agreed that it would probably be best for me, and offered to help in any way they could.

I'm not doing this because I'm bored with Columbia, or sick of it, or anything like that. I still love it here (mostly), but I'm sick of being under certain people's microscopes all the time. I want a little more freedom in my life, and I feel like as long as I live here, there is always going to be some...point of involvement between myself and my past. And quite frankly, It's just too close for comfort.

I, quite suddenly and out of nowhere realized recently that I'm a doormat. I've always been one. I was a doormat for Cole, anyone who goes back to the beginning of this diary and reads those first entries can see that. (I don't know what gave it away, maybe it's the sense of desperation I was giving off at the time). I was a doormat to let him do what he did and still want him in my life. TWICE. I was a doormat for Amy too, my suppossed friend, who, after going thorough a rough breakup I let live with me. Which in turn facilitated them currently being married and popping out kids.
My parents, Troy, my Job, it all boils down to me letting other people step all over me, use me, and asking them to do it some more.

It took me so long to realize this, that when I finally did It was like this huge release, and I've been feeling so much better! Now I finally feel like I'm ready to move on and leave the past 4 years since I moved back to SC right where they belong. In SC.

Apropos of that...anyone want to help me move?

Old * New * Guestbook * Profile * E-mail * Banned * Wishlist * Diaryland