I found myself in the middle of an existential crisis on the way to work this morning. I've been having these really vivid dreams every. single. night. So I told my ma about them, and her take was that I'm subconciously getting over my fear of committment. Troy and I are still together, I just renewed my lease, I found a job I haven't had the urge to suddenly quit. I didn't even realize I HAD a fear of committment until she said that shit. Then when I really looked at the way my life has been for oh, the past three or four years, yep...there it is! Fear of committment. The constant moving and changing phone numbers, my behavior post-Cole, pre-Troy, and even my trepidation at getting involved with him in the first place, not to mention how I am with my friends. I dump a lot of the one's I've already got, or say or do something that I know will piss them off, and my new friends I still keep at arm's length because I don't want to get too close to ANYBODY.
By doing that does it mean nobody wants to get close to me?
Well, Troy is stil hanging in there, and by his own admission he knows I can be a royal bitch and "total buzzkill" at times. (How cute is it that I'm dating Jeff Spiccoli?)
I think I'm just freaking out because he's been talking about the future lately, and I don't want to think any farther than Sunday night.
Oscar Night. Go Cheadle!

Old * New * Guestbook * Profile * E-mail * Banned * Wishlist * Diaryland