1. About two seconds of Janet Jackson's boob gets airtime and the whole country freaks. Those overbearing, Bimbo Box driving, full of themselves "Concerned Mothers" threatened to sue AOL, the NFL, and Justin Timberlake's hand...BUT...we have absolutely no compunctions about showing doctors carving into Vince Neil's face like it's an undercooked Christmas Turkey? We don't mind seeing all that yellowy fat being sucked out of one part of his cheeks and just to be put back into a different part of his cheeks? What is really more upsetting to kids? Seeing something that, god willing, they'll be seeing in a few years anyway...or seeing some pudgy aging rock star with his face on one side of the operating table and his head on the other?

2. Bacon. For some reason, the process From Pig to Bacon unsettles me. And now not only am I developing this irrational dislike, nay Fear of bacon, I'm starting to get creeped out by pigs, too. The worst one yet is the Piggly Wiggly pig, with his jaunty little hat (a BUTCHER'S HAT, no less) and his "Dontcha wanna EAT ME???" look. It's like self-cannibalization. And it's goddamned creepy.

3.Ted Turner. I wish someone would stick Time Warner and AOL up his ass for me. Please.

4. People who ask me this question: "But doesn't your life feel empty without children?"
Come to think of it...NO. My life feels pretty fucking full right now. It's not that I hate kids, I don't. I just know, for a factoid, that I don't want to have them. Why is this so hard for all these above-mentioned self-important Moms to understand? I, Unlike YOU, know who I am. I do not need to have a kid to define myself.

5. Kelly!

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